Benevolent Dictator Needed

The angry American shouters are right; we do indeed live in a godless nation. However, this appears to be a good thing. From the decisions I’ve seen from our always white, always Christian leaders, the big chap with the big beard in the sky seems to be a bit of a twizzler.
Apparently he condones the banks taking massive amounts of money from the taxpayer to mess around with in the giant playground that is the financial sector, until the big nasty bullies come and take it from them, promising they’ll give it back, but they never do. But it’s OK for the silly little overgrown children; the nice government people will just wag their fingers, put a little cap on their million-pound bonuses and then leave them to carry on with playtime. Only there ISN’T ANY MONEY. The government have instead decided to take money from us, and raise our taxes rather than give out lunchtime detention to the banking sector. Additionally, we all apparently spend our lives stabbing each other and then joyously urinating over the corpses, so we all need to be caught on CCTV thousands of time a day. If crime rates haven’t risen for 15 years, then why capture hours of video of everyone in the country, unless it’s because you see the plight of the plebs as a really rather amusing reality television show in which you can control the outcome. It’s all a bit like sitting at home smacking yourself in the knee with a used heroin needle while listening to Oasis; it helps no-one.
Oh, and another thing. I was recently embarrassed in public by claiming crime rates were rising. I received this mistaken idea by watching BBC Breakfast, a delightfully fuzzy version of the world in which we are spoon-fed the governments spin on world events by two lovely smiley presenters. They would have us believe that half of British youth owns a knife and drink and take drugs while underage, which of course our parents and their parents didn’t do. No, not at all. What I’m trying to say is that the public isn’t stupid, and we aren’t going to take your lies, stupidity and general crap for too much longer. Just put Messyrs Fry or Clarkson in charge, and everything will be fine.
Good day to you all.

Teaspoon scraping time

Hello. I doubt you’re reading this, because if you’re a “Blogging person”, you’re probably off watching the Vlogs of people who you think have an opinion that matters.  Meanwhile, I’m sitting alone in my bedroom, crying tears of bitter happiness, safe in the knowledge I will never become one of those self important “people” that you all seem to love so much. I spend the time I use writing these posts to wonder at my own hypocrisy and lack of any right to say what I think. In fact, I just spelt hypocrisy wrong, and had to get my special computer friend to fix it for me.  The fact I write these words and make the videos I do makes me one of those people. However, because I am not accepted by the YouTube going public, I suppose I could be considered an underground guerrilla (yes, another spelling mistake there), fighting the forces of popular intertainment (my word) with tiny, barely seen videos and blog posts. Was I to suddenly receive an upsurge in popularity thanks to a recommendation from a popular Vlogging friend; I would immediately become the person I am writing about and sort of am now. The rank sadpocrisy of everything I am doing is enough for me to consider thrusting my keyboard into my eyes. That would of course be extremely silly; a keyboard of that size would cause little or no damage. Also it’s quite a nice keyboard, once you look past the coffee stains. There we are again. I admit I drink coffee. I may as well admit I own a coffee machine, perhaps name it, perhaps receive money to advertise the company, and then perhaps become a massive corporate sarcasm merchant who has no real reason to be so cynical, because he has three Cuban children at home waiting to massage his eyebrows. Teaspoon scraping time.

Hmm.

Hello Blogger!
 Hi Museotron!
So, can I customise my profile?
Sure thing.
Ok, I'd like to put a picture on my profile.
Oh no, I can't do that, you see, that would be helpful.
Oh, ok. Screw you then. Text only it is then.

Why Hello There.

Good Evening. I have decided that my series of youtube videos are not enough to showcase my musings on the nature of pointless jabber. Thus, I shall be using this blog to invade the minds and eyes of unsuspecting people ever more than I have before.