Dylan Moran is a wonderful man. He’s probably actually very nice in real life, but I’m more interested in his personas as Bernard Black in Black Books and his stand-up performances. In both he portrays a mildly alcoholic, bitter Irishman utterly unconcerned with other people’s issues and harbouring a deep hatred for nigh-on everything in the world. And sadly, I find myself drawn to this view of the world. Everybody has days when they want to take a potato peeler to the skin of all their enemies, friends and gardeners, simply because they NO LONGER CARE about everybody else’s issues. This seems great to me; I can listen to some people’s issues, but when people are complaining about ferrets invading their mind and turning it into a miniature replica of Midgar, that’s me done, I’m finished, the door is right there, stand there while I hit you with it.
However, this viewpoint also stretches to the way you feel about your personal possessions. A memorable scene in Black Books is the occasion when Bernard, who has spent every episode in the same black suit jacket, black shirt and black trousers, has his clothes washed by a well-meaning visitor. Coming into the room, looking slightly disgusted, these clothes are found to be a bright white. “Who shaved me? Who washed my clothes!?” Cries Moran, with the tone of somebody who had been recently violated, and left in a ditch. It’s not so much the fact that his filthy suit has been washed, it’s the fact that Somebody Else Has Touched His Things. I share this. They are my things; I don’t want you putting your filthy well-meaning balanced individual hands on my things. I don’t even want you inside my personal space, because IT’S MINE, and I’m the only person worth talking to in here.
Also, I like the idea of spending most of my life in a bookshop, drinking copious amounts, though I can skip the chain-smoking.
P.S: Like Dylan Moran, I’m not really like this in real life. I like to imagine I would be, but if that was so I’d have nobody to talk to, or indeed read this.
Tuesday 17 May 2011
Saturday 7 May 2011
Horses.
Have you ever seen a horse? Big, stupid, annoying buggers they are. Stupid enough to let people ride them. They leave droppings the size of Angus Young on the ground and like kicking you.
But let's be honest, horses aren't the real problem here. It's the people who ride them. They pretend they love their horses, and call them Sparkles or names like that. they feed them apples and visit them every week to trot around a courtyard then go and live an actual life. Sometimes though, they go out onto the streets and onto public footpaths. Which makes them think they have a right to DIRECT THE BLOODY TRAFFIC. You are a twit on a horse. I am a person in a BIG METAL CAR THAT WOULD KILL YOU. GET OUT OF THE WAY. Maybe we used horses in the 19th century for work and transport, but we have better things now. Thanks awfully. And if you like horses that much, I've heard they're very tasty.
But let's be honest, horses aren't the real problem here. It's the people who ride them. They pretend they love their horses, and call them Sparkles or names like that. they feed them apples and visit them every week to trot around a courtyard then go and live an actual life. Sometimes though, they go out onto the streets and onto public footpaths. Which makes them think they have a right to DIRECT THE BLOODY TRAFFIC. You are a twit on a horse. I am a person in a BIG METAL CAR THAT WOULD KILL YOU. GET OUT OF THE WAY. Maybe we used horses in the 19th century for work and transport, but we have better things now. Thanks awfully. And if you like horses that much, I've heard they're very tasty.
Sunday 1 May 2011
My Plan for the End of Doctor Who
Let's theory.
Seeing as the Doctor is allegedly the reincarnation of The Other, according to Lungbarrow, it is possible that the Morbius Doctors were another life led by The Other, before he was again reincarnated as the Doctor. In my idea for the end of Doctor Who, if it comes, the Doctor reaches his 13th regeneration, and is mortally wounded. Rather than die, he regenerates one final time into the form of The Other, and the final Morbius Doctor. He realises that he has again come full circle in this life, and realises what he must do. As The Other and the final Morbius Doctor did, the Doctor approaches a Gallifreyan genetic Loom, hidden away in a room of the TARDIS that he has hidden from all else. He prepares to throw himself upon it, to start a new life as another Time Lord, perhaps with the same memories, perhaps an entirely blank slate. Before he can do this alone, the way he did it before, (shown in flashbacks to the other two, played by the same actor, ending their existence on Gallifrey itself) he is met with the spirits of five previous companions as the Doctor. These are the genetic data of the companions, and they join the Doctor to be reborn as Time Lords, so he will not be alone as he was before. The series ends with the group approaching the large structure, as the cloister bell rings.
Seeing as the Doctor is allegedly the reincarnation of The Other, according to Lungbarrow, it is possible that the Morbius Doctors were another life led by The Other, before he was again reincarnated as the Doctor. In my idea for the end of Doctor Who, if it comes, the Doctor reaches his 13th regeneration, and is mortally wounded. Rather than die, he regenerates one final time into the form of The Other, and the final Morbius Doctor. He realises that he has again come full circle in this life, and realises what he must do. As The Other and the final Morbius Doctor did, the Doctor approaches a Gallifreyan genetic Loom, hidden away in a room of the TARDIS that he has hidden from all else. He prepares to throw himself upon it, to start a new life as another Time Lord, perhaps with the same memories, perhaps an entirely blank slate. Before he can do this alone, the way he did it before, (shown in flashbacks to the other two, played by the same actor, ending their existence on Gallifrey itself) he is met with the spirits of five previous companions as the Doctor. These are the genetic data of the companions, and they join the Doctor to be reborn as Time Lords, so he will not be alone as he was before. The series ends with the group approaching the large structure, as the cloister bell rings.
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